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I know exactly what the dream means, for the message in it is abundantly clear. There can be no more. No more dreaming of the man I love. No more wanting him late at night, and needing his love to be thrust gently inside me. No more thinking of our bodies intertwined beneath the sheets of my bed. No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will. Just before I reached down to steer it inside me, I felt it hit my cervix, he’d somehow found his own way in. I squeezed my legs closer together and wrapped my arms around him. “Kiss me while you fuck me, baby.” I never talked like that to my husband. I learned it chatting online. His tongue snaked into my mouth. His chest pressed against my boobs. I spread my legs again, suddenly wanting him as deep as possible. And then from not so far away I heard, “What the fuck?” Chad stopped and turned his head. I looked past him and saw my husband, Jason, at the doorway. I braced myself for violence, although Jason wasn’t really the sort. I wished I could reach the bed covers to hide under them. Hide both Chad and me. Chad had stopped moving, but his cock still filled me. Jason looked at us with curiosity and I could see the wheels spinning in his head. I tried to imagine what this looked like, his naked son between his naked wife’s legs. For a split second I wondered if he could see Chad’s.
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